Sunday, October 25, 2015

movies and cynicism

Heyyyy.

I've been extremely anxious lately due to all my school work and college application essays and such. I can hardly wait for this semester to be over. Yesterday I went out with my mom and her friend to the movies. We watched My Old Lady, and I absolutely loved it. Its cynical humor just speaks to me on a personal level. So talking about friendship and cynicism, I wanted to ask you guys if you ever wonder why we have friends? I mean, I do believe that some people you just genuinely enjoy being with, but I also believe this is rare. There are only two people in my life I actually feel like I enjoy and feel completely comfortable being with, and one of them is my boyfriend and the other one doesn't even live in my country. Sometimes I feel like most friendships are based on something you need or want from that other person, you know? Sometimes, when I'm feeling specially cynical, I start thinking friendship is something Hollywood made up tbh. However, this school year, for some unknown reason, I've developed friendships with people I've gone to school with for the last thirteen years and barely even spoke to until now. I'm just confused. Sometimes I feel grateful because I actually have people I can talk to, but sometimes I can't help asking myself: what do they want from me? No, I'm not paranoiac but I just sometimes think people are deliberately plotting things against me, idk. Like, I'm the same person I've always been and you're clearly not romantically interested on me, soooo why do you want to hang out with me now? I believe it's not socially acceptable to ask that question to people so I'll just keep wondering and maybe even tell you guys if I find out. Anyway, comfortable outfits are the best way to deal with anxiety. Like, I don't know about you but I would rather be anxious when wearing a nice flowy skirt than when wearing extremely uncomfortable skinny jeans. I'm not even kidding though! I wore this outfit yesterday and I just love it because dark blue is my favorite color and because it's super comfortable and doesn't make me feel like I'm suffocating. I would love to continue writing but I have to study for a calculus exam! Wish me luck!






Shirt form Brandy Melville
Skirt from i don't really know...
Bag from Kate Spade
Shoes from Urban Outfitters

Thanks for reading!

Maria

6 comments:

  1. Funny, because I am the opposite of you. I am much more cynical of romantic relationships because people always have something to gain from those. Or it is very easy for people to confuse feelings of lust, with love. There are entire relationships based on that.
    But when someone is friends with me, I have to believe it's because their love for me is real. In friendship there is no sexual gratification or romantic rewards. Often there is not much to give than your presence and attention. But that's exactly why I think they are important. Because when you strip all the excess stuff away, this people are with you for you.

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    1. Yeah, I totally feel like friendship can be one of the most genuine types of love, if that makes sense. But the thing is, it seems like it's been impossible for me to find that "best friend" type of person we usually see portrayed in books or films at my school. And I don't mean I'm looking for a perfect relationship, because I'm aware that's impossible, but I just want a deep emotional connection with someone I'm not romantically interested on. I've even started to think that this has to do with my own society, social class and culture specifically because nobody I know has a best friend, but rather groups of friends that they seek depending on the occasion. For example, a group of friends to study with, and a group of friend to go partying with. I do have a best friend, but she doesn't even live in my country, which just makes me so cynical about the way people here have been raised here. I feel like everyone is extremely competitive and just seeks immediate pleasures rather than a person they can have an emotional connection to and relationships based on mutual respect. I just feel like people around me want to be my "friends" so I can help them with homework and such, but they just never invite me anywhere because I'm not fun at parties and all that stuff. Maybe it's all just in my head because, for some reason, I can't find many common interests with my classmates, so my mind has just made this up to help me understand why. I'm almost in love with the idea of friendship, just like some people are in love with the idea of love, because it just seems so ideal to me. I'm also pretty cynical of romantic love; however, I've been extremely fortunate with the only romantic relationship I've had, while my personal experiences with friendship have been rather negative. I recently "broke up" (more like she stopped talking to me for reasons I don't understand) with my childhood best friend and I feel like the wounds haven't entirely healed. I just feel so lost because she changed so much and so suddenly that it seems like six years of constructing a meaningful friendship cannot compete with one night of immediate pleasures. So it's like she literally changed friends because I couldn't provide her with those pleasures, if that makes sense. And THAT makes me extremely cynical.

      I'm sorry I just literally wrote like a diary entry! I would love to hear your stories or more about your opinions if you're willing to share! I really love when I actually get substantial comments! thank you!

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    2. Also, sorry for any gramatical/spelling mistakes! I wrote this on my phone because I really wanted to reply!

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    3. (sorry for all the following mistakes) I do think that a true friendship is possible. Probably the problem is what you demand from it, to me a real friend is a perdón that i know he will be there of i need him, with out even talking each day... My best friend is Juan Pablo, we've known each other like since k4 and we like to hang up together, but we don't usually do it, but I know he is my friend cause everytime I have a problem he is there to help me and when he have a problem I always try to help him (iam not as smart as him... I always get into trouble). Probably you should change your whole perspective or search on other people, probably people that don't resemble, or look like you, you will probably get surprised... My guts (I may not be smart but I have big guts) tell me you should ask why do they want to hang up with u, that way you know with whom you can count on. Hope you get to know a really good person/friend...

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  2. Well I wrote on my computer so I don't really have an excuse lol. But I don't really know what to say. I think I know how you feel, I definitely went thru that in high school. And I think that a lot of people do as well during those years. I lost a lot of friends and my BEST friend, who also stopped reaching out to me. Which was hard because I would put in so much effort after we graduated, but never got anything in return.
    And unfortunately, you may get shitty friends in the first year of college too. Most ppl are just trying to figure shit out and they become friends because...well, I don;t really know why. But I don't speak to most of the people I met/hung out with in freshman year. Which is actually quite awkward because I work at one of the front desks on campus so I always have to see them and be like "Hey!...How are you?...Yeah i'm good...ok, bye. lol BUT, I still have really close friends who are precious to me and who challenge me emotionally and intellectually everyday. And I think that's something you just run across as you get older. It's hard to have those quality of friendships at a young age (especially with our generation and all our excess bullshit).
    And I have never had a romantic relationship, but the ones I have seen haven't been so great which is why I may be so cynical.

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I appreciate every single comment! Thank you so much for taking the time! I love reading your thoughts and opinions. :)